I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
