why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
