WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
