Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
