Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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