i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
