I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
