just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
