JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
