so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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