i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
