i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will be naked everywhere
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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