my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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