the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
