I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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