woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
