It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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