You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As shirtless as possible
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
