Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
