the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
