Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
