In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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