I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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