I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
