i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
