I'm jealous of your bromance
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
