I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
