y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize