should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
