glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
