people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize