I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They took my balls.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
