He asked to "fluff my boner.."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
