And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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