So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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