if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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