Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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