I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
