I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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