Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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