About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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