don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
