Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
