me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
