I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
