fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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