If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it was like eating out sand paper
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
