Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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