Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
