This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
