You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm like, not good at living.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
