its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I did not marry a roomba.
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