it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
