I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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