absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
