Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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