i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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