she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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