How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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