Ambien. No doubt about it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
