I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
