Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
