I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up under a house in Key West
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
