you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
