One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
