I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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