oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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