Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
