Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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