We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize