she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
