I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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