If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
