Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize