Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
