I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize