God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
