I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize