I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
